Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
