It was confusing and full of hummus
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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