tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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