Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
