Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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