I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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