woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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