would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize