Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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