and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
