As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
