He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
