It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
