Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
