I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
