I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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