I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
