yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
NoShamevember. You game?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
