I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You are a genius and a whore.
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