He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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