So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
