that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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