Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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