the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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