No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
