last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
