do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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