Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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