You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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