I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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