The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
