so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's the barista slut.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
