tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
