I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
