i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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