You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
