i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
