I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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