So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
