His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
