Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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