Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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