I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
