Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
