i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
