I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
50% drunk capacity currently
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
