Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's the barista slut.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
