I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
