I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are we still banned from the library?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
