I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
