I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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