You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
