I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
