we have officially lost it.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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