so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
love makes seman taste better
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
