from now on my penis is your penis
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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