I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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