we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
