I wish my penis had an off switch
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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