What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
