Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
