The maid of honor just puked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
