I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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