She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
