these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
