It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
