just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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