But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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