Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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