So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
