i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
