your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
