she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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