I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
