what day is it and did you see me today?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
