you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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