If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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