Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
