did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
