Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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