I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
