ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
