Sry I called you an 8
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
