The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
bring money and cleavage
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
