Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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